One Girl v. Two Boys

While working today, my wife calls me and says "You could've left me one." I immediately go on the defensive, thinking "uh, oh, what have I done now..." and sheepishly say "what are you talking about honey?". She goes on to explain that we have two boys in the house and I could've left the girl alone. You see, my wife found our five year old daughter in her brother's room watching football on ESPN. An insignificant Bowl Game between Navy and Texas Tech to boot. My response to my wife??

"That's my girl!!!"

Filed in: Family Humor

New IE Vulnerability

There is a new Vulnerability in Internet Explorer that everyone needs to know about it. I read about it in today edition of Windows Fanatics from the Lockergnome. What do you need to know? I'll let them do the explaining as they do it best:

Ken Colburn of Data Doctors answers Lawrence, who wonders:

Q: What exactly is this new Internet address problem and what do I need to
do?
A: Newly discovered vulnerabilities that are 'critical' in nature are
nothing new for the world's most prolific software maker, Microsoft.
Virtually every program made by the giant in Redmond, Washington is the
target of Microsoft haters, hackers, crackers, security firms looking for
exposure, or script kiddies (hacker wannabes).
The most recent of at least 20 this year, however, is especially
troubling for a couple of reasons.

The first is that, because it involves the Internet Explorer browser, it affects about 90% of the Internet public. The second is that it plays on
the years of advice given to Internet users for determining whether they
are on a trusted Web site, opening the way for massive identity theft and
credit card fraud.
The vulnerability allows malicious coders to create Web sites that look
exactly like legitimate sites, credit card companies, or online
merchants, and 'spoof' the web addresses. When a user is at one of these sites and looks in the
address section of IE, it will appear as if they are at that company's
site.

Everything from the https:// to the little yellow padlock at the bottom
of the 'secure' page can appear complete with the spoofed company's web
address or URL (Universal Resource Locator) in the proper places.
This means that you can no longer trust what you see in the address bar,
especially if you are clicking on a link from an e-mail message or from
another web site. The possibilities are endless and very dangerous for
the less technical Internet going public.
You can test your browser for this vulnerability by going to
www.secunia.com.
The problem was discovered by someone who goes by the alias 'Zap the
Dingbat' that posted the alert on a security mailing list, which did not
give Microsoft an opportunity to create a fix for the problem before it
was made public.
As a courtesy, most security companies will give software vendors some
lead-time with a newly discovered vulnerability so that the company can
come up with a fix before the problem is made public.
As of this writing, Microsoft has yet to fix the problem,
however, an open source project that is located at Openwares.org has posted a patch.

Because of this latest method of tricking users into divulging personal
and financial information, it is important that you do not click on any
links in e-mail that supposedly come from your bank, eBay, PayPal,
Amazon.com or any online merchant or financial institution.
If you receive what you think is a legitimate e-mail message from one of
your financial or merchant Web sites, do not click on any link in the e-
mail, especially if it is asking you to update your information.
Always go to the company's Web site manually by opening your browser
yourself and typing in the actual address for the company. If the
information sent in the e-mail is legitimate, then you should be able to
access it through the companies Web site when you sign-in or login to your
account.
If you want a more technical approach to detecting spoofed addresses and
links, I have posted Microsoft's recommendations at
www.datadoctors.com/redir.cfm/spoof.

Filed in: InformationDesk

New Year's Festivities

Not that I needed any further reason to hold our 4th Annual New Year's Eve Party at my house, but I found this little Public Service Announcement from the state of Texas that assures me we are doing the safe thing. The participants are either from our block (can walk or crawl home) or stay in our house for the night. Take a look here to see why. (Best viewed on an empty stomach)

|Via RWG|

Filed in: Forwarded

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

I don't have much else to say about this. I thought the Elk's Lodge was a "Family Friendly" Establishment. Obviously, that is not the case at this Chapter. Never before have I seen such blatant advertising or target marketing. What's next, a morgue with a sign out front saying "Hey, wanna kill someone...Kill 'em here!!"

Filed in: Humor Pictures

Admitting Guilt

My daughter is a very tough little girl to wake up. And on days when she hasn't had enough sleep, the task proves even tougher and she spends most of the morning in a daze. This morning was one of those mornings.

We were headed up the hills for some sledding fun (pictures to come) but first we stopped by Marcy's Aunt & Uncle's house as it is on the way for us. Breanna was so much in a daze that she didn't want to talk, which is completely opposite of her usual self. She even started to cry because she was so tired, but we chalked it up to normal tiredness, even though she was way more moody than usual.

After we hit the snow, where she finally did wake up, and were travelling back down the hill Breanna drops the bombshell on her old man, which would be me. You see, she had a little bit of a cough this morning, so I wanted to be extra careful. I gave her some cough medicine. What I didn't realize, but Marcy immediately knew upon Breanna telling her that Daddy gave her cough medicine, was that the medicine I gave her was a "Night Time" medicine.

I do not usually get in the habit of drugging my children before a day trip, and let me tell you, I'll make sure to never do it again....although, she was nice and quiet in the car on the way there....

Filed in: UncommonlySenseless Family

We Have to do What???

Happy Christmas Eve everyone!!! Unfortunately My wife and I have the perilous task of going to the mall today to finish shopping. I was watching The Two Towers last night, and I've been watching a lot of the Pirates of the Carribean (Marcy's favorite movie), so I think I am prepared to go into what will surely be pandemonium. If only I had me a sword....

Filed in: Family Humor UncommonlySenseless

...And Eat Them Too

Go ahead, make your cookies this year, but make sure you don't get sued by printing the following contract out and having Santa sign it.
Christmas Cookie Liability and Indemnification Agreement

Christmas Cookie Liability and Indemnification Agreement

Santa Claus, AKA Kris Kringle, AKA Jolly Old St. Nick (hereinafter referred to as "Santa") acknowledges receipt of Christmas cookies from ______________________ (hereinafter referred to as "Baker").

Santa acknowledges and understands that no warranty, either expressed or implied, is made by Baker as to the nutritional content of cookies. This document is offered to duly warn Santa that dangerous conditions, risks, and hazards may result from over-consumption of cookies. Santa is hereby informed that cookies may contain any of the following: calories, carbohydrates, sodium (salt), fat, saturated fat, trans fat, polyunsaturated fat, monounsaturated fat, nuts, sugar, caffeine, and good cheer. Santa acknowledges that eating way too many cookies may incur risks including, but not limited to, satiation, indigestion, heart burn, dizziness, laziness, heart disease, holiday spirit, "food coma," and "that bloated feeling."

As consideration for accepting Baker's cookies, Santa indemnifies Baker from all liability for injury or other harm (including obesity) which may be caused, in whole or in part, by said "too many" cookies. Santa agrees that neither he, nor his heirs or personal representatives will sue Baker for any injury suffered, in whole or in part, as a consequence of binging on cookies. Santa assumes full responsibility and will indemnify Baker for any damages in the event that he transfers cookies to any third party (including, but not limited to, potential claimants Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph, Mrs. Claus, and various elves).

This indemnification includes an agreement not to haul Baker into court on the basis of:

Failure to provide nutrition information and a list of ingredients (the "Grandma's secret recipe" clause);
Failure to caution of the potential for overeating because cookies taste too good and are provided at no cost;
Failure to advise that walking, biking, and jogging will shed pounds, but riding around on a sleigh will not;

Failure to warn that Christmas lights, lawn ornaments (plastic reindeer, snowmen, etc.) and other holiday decorations may constitute manipulative marketing to lure Santa into over-consumption.
Failure to offer "healthier" cookie alternatives (e.g., tofu bars);
Failure to counsel that cookies may be habit-forming and/or irresistible; and
Failure to notify that eating way too many cookies may lead to even greater levels of obesity for St. Nick (the "Sanity Clause").

SANTA HAS READ THIS DOCUMENT AND UNDERSTANDS IT. SANTA IS SIGNING IT FREELY AND VOLUNTARILY, AND PROMISES NOT TO APPEAR AS A WITNESS IN SUPPORT OF JOHN "SUE THE BASTARDS" BANZHAF, ESQ., AT ANY TIME IN THE FUTURE.

SANTA: ___________________________ DATE:__________________

Filed in: Humor Forwarded

Holiday Greetings (PC Style)

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. In addition, please also accept our best wishes for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2004, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make this country great (not to imply that this country is necessarily greater than any other country or area of choice), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual orientation of the wishers.

This wish is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. "Holiday" is not intended to, nor shall it be considered, limited to the usual Judeo-Christian celebrations or observances, or to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious community, group, individual or belief (or lack thereof).

Note: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all. This greeting is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for the wisher her/himself or others, or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non- implementation of it.

This greeting is void where prohibited by law, or if you consider it to be in bad taste, or in any other way slightly offensive to you, either now or in the future 12 months.

Sincerely (and hopefully, correctly) yours,

Mike

Filed in: Humor Forwarded

Holy Jeez, I just wanted to Link em!!

The weeks are flying by as the shopping days dwindle away. It's already time for more links. Bonus points to anyone, besides Bobby, who can tell me where this weeks title comes from.

I wanted to start this week by showing you what I think may become our next national past time:
Pentrix - Videos

Moving right along, I have a couple of Christmas links for ya:
Santa's Naughty List | Slingshot Santa

This next movie clip will join all nationalities and religions together this holiday season, to collectively say with one voice.....WTF????
Sheep Boy

My first rule while celebrating during this holiday season will be not to party with the guy from the last clip. Here's some more rules for ya:
The Onion | Drinking Responsibly During The Holidays

Now that we got Sadam, he has started to point the finger at some of his compadres. I found a copy of the press briefing here:
Terrorist Names

I know, I know...I tricked ya....but don't fret. Check out some Real American Heroes here:

Real American Heroes...

Yes, I hear ya, your saying..."Where's the games". We'll finish this week with some real time killers. Have fun:
Globulos | .:: Revelate - Gyroball ::.

Hope you enjoyed this week's links. Have a great week and a great Christmas as well (or any other holiday you may celibrate)!!

Filed in: Humor Blog Video

Mmm, Mmm Good

If you have a favorite NFL team, you can donate a can of soup to the needy, for free. Cambell's is donating one can of soup for every one that visits here and clicks on there favorite team. You even get to see how many cans have been donated per team. The Browns currently stand in 10th place, so get voting now.

More links to come.....

Filed in: Forwarded

Almost Famous

Lookee, Lookee, a posting of mine about giant inflatable christmas decorations drew some attention. I'm in the LA Times (requires free registration):

It's a huge fad

In case you don't want to, or can't, register, Roy Rivenburg finishes his article with a quote from moi:

Mike Grace of Lathrop, Calif., proposes a more down-to-earth defense of yuletide blow-ups. "I have the inflatable snowman and a neighbor has the Homer Simpson Santa," he says. "In California, these are necessities. Without gaudy decorations and lights, no one would know it's Christmas."

Filed in: Blog

International Lottery Scam

Got an e-mail today that proclaimed me the winner of an international lottery I don't remember entering. There is a phone number that I can call and find out how to claim my winnings. Of course, a quick search of snopes.com reveals this to be a fraud.

If a person calls to find out how to obtain their "winnings" they are told to give them their bank account number, and then wire them, the scammers, the handling fees quickly, so they, the scammer, may wire the winnings directly into their account. You can read more about it here.

I've also included what the e-mail looks like below so you know what to avoid...

Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2003 20:43:44 GMT
From: stevemore100@netscape.net
Subject: [Scanned by SpamNet] AWARD NOTIFICATION.

WINNING NOTICE FOR CATEGORY "C" WINNER INTERNATIONAL

LOTTO NETHERLAND IL/FLW/12-C572392379:

It is our pleasure to inform you that you have emerged as a Category "C" winner of the international Lotto Netherland. CONGRATULATIONS! You are entitled to a
prize sum of 1,500,000.00 Euros. Reference number for your prize is IL/FLW/12-C572392379 , ticket number A/03-4912.

As a category "C" winner, you have been selected from a total number of 25,000 names drawn from Asia, Africa, Europe, Middle East and America. After the computer ballot of our International Promotions Program, only Three winners emerged in this category and therefore are to receive payouts of 1,500,000.00 Euros from the total 15,000,000.00 Euros for First category winners.
To immediately collect your prize, please contact our Category "C" financial handlers with information below:

Mr Raymomd Williams
Financial Director
Global Security and Finance Company BV
Tel/Fax: 31-625 221 322
ray4will30@netscape.net

Provide prize reference number IL/FLW/12-C572392379 and winning ticket number-A/03-4912 for confirmation. In your best interests, you must initiate contact within one week of receipt of this correspondence.Global security and finance company BV will handle all financial matters with regards to claiming your prize. You are also advised to send a copy of this email,either by fax or email,to your financial handler Mr Rarmond Williams,when contacting him.

You are to keep all lotto information from the public as we will not entertain cases of multiple claims processing or compromise the privacy and
security for all winners.

Other necessary International Lotto Netherland information are:

Draw 1 number: 01-11417
Draw 2 number: 02-7962
Draw 3 number: 03-4365
International Lottery code no: IL56009

You may be required to provide any of the above
information during the process of collecting your
prize.

Please be informed that NON RESIDENCE of THE NETHERLANDS will be required to make a NON DEDUCTABLE advance payment of processment and legal documentation charges of 2.200.00 Euros to enable our legal department acquire Naturalization papers from the Court prior to award payment policy as required by the paying Financial Securiry Company.


We congratulate you once again and it is our hope that you participate in any of our international programs in the nearest future.
Thank you.

Sincerely,

Steve More
Promotions Manager
International Lotto Netherlands.

Filed in: InformationDesk

Let's All Shop At Sears

I got this e-mail this morning from my wife Marcy, who so diligently verified it's truthfullness on snopes.com. You can as well by clicking here.

Subject: Lets Shop At Sears

Have you heard all about how Sears is treating its reservist employees who are called up? By law, they are required to hold their jobs open and available, but nothing more. Usually, people take a big pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being called up...
Sears is voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and maintaining all benefits, including medical insurance and bonus programs, for all called up reservist employees for up to two years. I submit that Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen and should be recognized for its contribution.

Suggest we all shop at Sears, and be sure to find a manager to tell them why we are there so the company gets the positive reinforcement it well deserves.

I decided to check this out before I sent it forward. I sent the following email to the Sears Customer Service Department:

"I received this email and I would like to know if it is true. If it is, the Internet may have just become one very good source of advertisement for your store. I know I would go out of my way to buy products from Sears instead of another store for a like item even if it was cheaper at the other store."

Here is their answer to my email......................

Dear Customer:

Thank you for contacting Sears. The information is factual. We appreciate your positive feedback. Sears regards service to our country as one of greatest sacrifices our young men and women can make. We are happy to do our part to lessen the burden they bear at this time.

Bill Thorn
Sears Customer Care
webcenter@sears.com
1-800-349-4358

Please pass this on to all your friends..... Sears needs to be recognized for this outstanding contribution and we need to show them, as Americans, we do appreciate what they are doing for our military.

Filed in: Forwarded

Caption Contest

"See, I told you...I'll take that preperation H stuff every day of the week over those tucks pads...and twice on Sundays."

I just couldn't help it, Butch does come out of Sunday's games with some funny as hell expressions on his face. Got any good captions of your own for this one? Leave them in my comments.

Filed in: Humor

Friday, a Time for Links

Hello everyone, and welcome to another edition of linky Friday here at the bmg, where every Friday is linkalicious.

We will begin today with a trip overseas, to find someone who may be the most talented person I have ever seen take a stage...or at least the most bored.
Hugi - Háhraði

Next, let's roll out the Holiday spirit with these seasonal items:
Polar Bowler | Holiday Snowglobe | naked-i.com :: Create a Snowman

Here's another one, but this one's not for the kiddies, eh?

The White Christmas Game

Next, I would like to take a second and salute those manly men out there. You know who I'm talking about...the hockey fan.
Manly Men

Last week, we provided you with great ways to kill time while drunk, even at work, but hey, we also like to be informative here at bmg as well as comical. So let's find out just how much we've spent on our benders, shall we.
Drinkometer - The Drink-o-Meter Test - How much Alcohol have you consumed?

Here's a little game sure to make you wonder, "hey, why can't I stop playing this stupid thing?"
fan and ball

And what week would be complete without a classic arcade emulator and a falling object game, once again courtesy of my wife Marcy, who tells me I find the strangest things.

Norbert's Emulators | Jacko's Baby Drop

That's all for this week. Hope you had as much fun as I did, or at least learned something about yourself.

Filed in: Humor Blog Video

No...More....Power

We are done, ok maybe not completely done, but as done as we're going to be. Whether we want to be done or not however, we have run out of power, so for now...we are done. We wont give any of these houses a run for their money, but I think we did just fine with what we got.

Filed in: Family Christmas Pictures

GI Jane?

Ever since Halloween came and went, Breanna has been obsessed with what she, and every one else around her, will dress up as next year. She's also following her brother's lead and taking an interest in the Marines. Last night she told me and Marcy what she has decided to be next year.

Breanna: What are you going to be for next Halloween Mommy?
Marcy: I don't know yet honey, what are you going to be?
Breanna: ummm...
Marcy: Your going to be a butterfly.

Breanna: No, I'm going to be Klinch.
Marcy and Mike: What?!!!
Breanna: You know, from that movie, Saving Jessa Klinch.

Filed in: OutOfTheMouthsOfBabes

Links, Links, Links

A whole mess of 'em for ya today. Before we start though, has any of you gone to google and typed in "Miserable Failure" and then clicked the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. No?? Go do it. Alright, enough chit chat, on with the links.

Lets start with a couple of little links, designed for those of you completely bored, but easily amused type people:

Bubble Pop & Virtual Stapler & Toren van beren

Here's some rules to remember this weekend, when your drunk:

Modern Drunkard Index

And when you get home from the bar, we all know this game well:
Promillelukko

Once you do make it in the door, try this little test on for size:
digitalbackpack presents... DRIVER'S ED

Here's a couple of gems to get you into that Christmas spirit:
Happy Holidays from Chaoskitty & The 12 STIs Of Christmas

Ok, I'll finish up this week with a couple of completely non-related links....or are they?? Hope you enjoy:
Paris Hilton Flash Game - Scott.Canoni.com & End of the World

Filed in: Humor Blog Video

Attachment Fiends

As you all know, the number one cause of computer infections from viruses or trojans is the blind opening of e-mail attachments. You did know that right? Well if you didn't, consider yourself warned. There's a new worm working it's way through inboxes, enticing the e-mail receiver to open it's attachment by promise of sexual pictures. The attachment, called wendy.exe, is not pictures at all, but an executable file that will run it's malicious code if you open it. What happens when someone is intrigued enough to open the attachment? Read about it here:

Spammers send Wendy after anti-spammers

I received this e-mail just now, and it looks a little something like this (click on "more"):

Hi Greg its Wendy.

I was shocked, when I found out that it wasn't you but your twin brother, that's amazing, you're as like as two peas. No one in bed is better than you Greg. I remember, I remember everything very well, that promised you to tell how it was, I'll give you a call today after 9. He took my skirt off, then my panties, then my bra, he sucked my t**s, with the same fury you do it. He was writing alphabet on my p***y for 20 minutes, then suddenly stopped, put me in doggy style position and stuck his dagger. But Greg, why didn't you warn me that his d**k is 15 inches long? I was struck, we f****d whole night. I'm so thankful to you, for acquainted me to your brother. I think we can do it on the next Saturday all three together? What do you think? O yes, as you wanted I've made a few pictures check them out in archive, I hope they will excite you, and you will dream of our new meeting...

Filed in: InformationDesk

Say what?

One of the veteran operators here at work just told me this joke:

Q: What did Mr. Wong name his red-headed son upon seeing him at birth?

A: Sum-Ching

Now that, my friends, is comedy.

Filed in: Joke

Coincidence?

A fellow blogger had some problems last night when he ran into the coincidence fairies. Ah yes, I have had my share of experiences with them as well. They've done the following things in my office:

While a new firewall was being installed, the fiber lines of our ISP were cut, making us spend hours trying to configure a firewall that would never work.

A hard drive went bad, the same time we were having problems with our DSL circuit causing intermittent internet connection for the office.

While the DSL circuit was being repaired, our firewall went bad, making it very difficult to test if the circuit was working properly.

That triggered my backups (on DDS-3) to stop working, (this one more predictable however due to the end of the tapes' lifespan).

Yes I know the coincidence fairies well, they are quite difficult to explain to the boss though.

Filed in: HelpDesk

Weiner Dogs

In response to yesterday's post, Bobby, who shares the same deranged sense of humor that I do, emailed me the following:

Ok hear me out on this, The site wouldnt be dedicated only to Beverlys dogs, but Many other "Hot Wieners". What about the name www.doggystyle.com or www.lookatmywiener.com, www.leghumping.com, www.porknwieners.com. I think they are all good names but certainly wouldnt want to limit our selection to just these. Also I have included some of the types of pictures that the website might offer to the wiener enthusiast... enjoy

Sick, I know, but he's Bobby, ya gotta love him.

Filed in: Humor Family

Speaking of...

Bobby brought up the tryptophan phenomenon this past weekend and there were several questions asked like "Why does it do that?" I had heard of tryptophan before as well, so me and Bobby answered them, "I don't know...it just does. If that answer wasn't good enough for you, try this one:
Howstuffworks "Is there something in turkey that makes you sleepy?"
{via Damaged Goods}

Filed in: InformationDesk