Dog's 10 Pet Peeves About Humans
1. Blaming your farts on me...not funny....not very funny at all.
2. Yelling at me for barking....I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is it anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose....stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you are not at home.
6. The slight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud and great moment for the top of the food chain....you nitwit.
7. Taking me to the vet for the 'Big Snip', then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back there.
8. Getting upset when I sniff your guests crotches. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered the handshake thing yet.
9. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Idiot!
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Dog's 10 Pet Peeves About Humans
Found this here and thought it was funny. I have a post planned about getting the job, but no time to write it.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
The Next Phone I'll Never Own
Another one for the wish list. Just when I think I'm content with what I have, Nokia has to go and make this. Don't they know that some of us have a first home to buy. Jeez.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Post Interview
I arrived in Cleveland, safely and soundly Thursday morning, just a few minutes before 6 AM. As I said before, I normally don't sleep well on planes, but with an impending 9 AM interview, I had to give it my best shot. Unfortunately for me and even more so the guy with epilepsy, there was a gentlemen two seats in front of me who was having a terrible night. Much worse than mine.
He was having seizures every two minutes or so.
The seizures wouldn't last long, but he would grunt through them. Every time I would start to fall asleep, another seizure would grip him, poor guy, and I would wake up again. Luckily, noone was crass enough to complain, but it did mean that I would go to my interview without rest. I've had to go through a lot worse, however, so I was not about to even act tired in my interview.
And I didn't. The interview went very well. I met with the HR director after filling out an application for employment. She then took me to a conference room to meet the IT staff, who fired questions at me that they had scripted. After that I spoke one on one with the IT director again. She then proceeded to throw a monkey wrench into my perfect world where I obtain this position. I'm going to try to quote, pretty closely at least, what she said, and then translate:
Only time will tell.
He was having seizures every two minutes or so.
The seizures wouldn't last long, but he would grunt through them. Every time I would start to fall asleep, another seizure would grip him, poor guy, and I would wake up again. Luckily, noone was crass enough to complain, but it did mean that I would go to my interview without rest. I've had to go through a lot worse, however, so I was not about to even act tired in my interview.
And I didn't. The interview went very well. I met with the HR director after filling out an application for employment. She then took me to a conference room to meet the IT staff, who fired questions at me that they had scripted. After that I spoke one on one with the IT director again. She then proceeded to throw a monkey wrench into my perfect world where I obtain this position. I'm going to try to quote, pretty closely at least, what she said, and then translate:
My translation:IT Director: I wanted to tell you that normally I do all the decision making when it comes to hiring. For this position, however, we're letting the staff make the decision. I will have veto power here, but because it will be their decision, it was very important to get you here to meet them. I do feel obligated to tell you that there is an in house candidate for this position, as well.
I may be giving myself too much credit with regards to her opinion of me, but that's the way it seemed to me. I still give myself a good chance to nail down this position as well, but you never can tell how in-house candidates are looked at from company to company. Some don't like to promote someone to be directly in charge of their former co-workers, while other companies pride themselves on promoting from within.IT Director: If it were up to me, I'd hire you, but it's not. I'm also letting you know that there is an in-house candidate, so even though you may be my first choice, if you don't get hired, you know why.
Only time will tell.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
The Interview
Unbeleivable as it may seem, our move to Cleveland is only one month away. TheHouse is going up faster than I imagined and it's looking great. We have all of our moving arrangements planned, which leaves one more main objective; Procure employment!
I have less than 8 hours until I board a plane heading for Cleveland, for an interview tomorrow morning. My plane will arrive at 6 AM and the interview is at 9 AM. The position is in the IT department of a local university in the Cleveland area, and it's one that I would really like to have. If the first phone interview is counted, this will be the third one. From what I was told, I will be interviewing with all the staff and department directors. All good signs that they are serious about me, so I'll need to be at my best for the two hours, or so, that I'm there...and then I'm going to crash.
I have never been good at sleeping on airplanes, so when all is said and done I know I'll be done. I plan on waking up sometime before Saturday when I catch an afternoon flight back, but not much before that. I'll try to provide an update as to how the interview goes, but if I don't, just know that I am still sleeping.
Tags: interview, employment, job, red eye, flight, house update
SideBlog
Those who have been reading this site for any length of time, can tell that when I started using blogger last month, I lost a ton of functionality that I formerly had with wordpress. I had images indexes and video indexes and all of these pages were stored in MySQL tables on my webhosts' server.
All of the pages and last two years worth of posts are all there within these tables, I can see them, I just can no longer access them with any blogging software. Even when I try a fresh install of wordpress, or movable type which also uses MySQL database tables, the tables can not be accessed to be written to. This has left me with only one real choice and that is to use Blogger, but lose functionality. (OK, so maybe I have more choices that just that, like changing my webhost and starting from scratch, which I've essentially done here anyway, but I lack the time and energy to do that right now.)
One such function I had was the ability to catagorize my posts. I could then take one catagory and make it show up on the side of my page, as a side blog. If you remember correctly, my side blog contained all of the humorous links and time-wasting games that I ran across. Since blogger does not allow me to catagorize my posts, this was not a possibility.
Enter SideBlog.
SideBlog has allowed me to regain at least this function of my website. As you will notice over there on the right hand side of my page, under the google ads, is my new SideBlog. If you enjoy visiting some of the strange sites or playing the time-wasting games I have posted in the past, make sure you keep your eyes on the sideblog.
Tags: sideblog, blogger, wordpress, movabletype, blog
All of the pages and last two years worth of posts are all there within these tables, I can see them, I just can no longer access them with any blogging software. Even when I try a fresh install of wordpress, or movable type which also uses MySQL database tables, the tables can not be accessed to be written to. This has left me with only one real choice and that is to use Blogger, but lose functionality. (OK, so maybe I have more choices that just that, like changing my webhost and starting from scratch, which I've essentially done here anyway, but I lack the time and energy to do that right now.)
One such function I had was the ability to catagorize my posts. I could then take one catagory and make it show up on the side of my page, as a side blog. If you remember correctly, my side blog contained all of the humorous links and time-wasting games that I ran across. Since blogger does not allow me to catagorize my posts, this was not a possibility.
Enter SideBlog.
SideBlog has allowed me to regain at least this function of my website. As you will notice over there on the right hand side of my page, under the google ads, is my new SideBlog. If you enjoy visiting some of the strange sites or playing the time-wasting games I have posted in the past, make sure you keep your eyes on the sideblog.
Tags: sideblog, blogger, wordpress, movabletype, blog
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Getting Married in Heaven . . .
This is cheap, and I feel ashamed for even thinking about doing it. It was a long weekend and long morning, so I'm putting up a joke to fill space. Deal with it:
Getting Married in Heaven . . .
A couple decide to elope and get married but on the way to the Registry office they are involved in a fatal car crash.
They find themselves standing next to St Peter waiting to be let into Heaven.
While waiting for him to finalise the paperwork, the couple ask if it's possible for them to get married in Heaven.
"I dont know,"says St Peter. "This is the first time I have ever been asked. Let me go and find out ."
After eight weeks waiting, St Peter returns and tells the couple that they can indeed get married, if they so wish.
However, during the long wait the couple have had time to think long and hard about their relationship and what might happen if the marriage doesn't work out (eternity is quite a long time after all).
So they ask St Peter if they can get divorced if it all goes wrong. St Peter goes red in the face and slams down his paperwork:
"Oh come on!" he shouts, 'It's taken me two months to find a priest up here, do you have any idea how long it will take to find a lawyer?"
Friday, May 27, 2005
King of the Comeback
Much too moronic for rational or intelligent statements when in an argument or while being confronted, he is....the Kink of the Comeback.
On my way home from work one day last week, my usual route home was blocked by construction, leaving me with no other choice but to take back roads. I was traveling down one such road, a busy one, approaching a stop sign. The line to the stop sign was backed up to the point of blocking a development's entrance, if I were not to stop short of it and let a few cars turn in front of me. Some asswipe in a Corvette, however, decides that he's too good to wait and comes from somewhere behind me, trying to pass the line on the right hand shoulder, almost hitting the car turning into the development in front of me and almost hitting me while trying to avoid that accident. As soon as that car passed he gassed it again, putting himself in line a whole one car ahead of me, almost being hit by the other car that I was letting turn into the development.
After calmly rolling down the window and shouting a few chosen words, to which I got no reaction from the asswipe (pronounced a-swipay, he did look italian), we both ended up going straight through the next intersection. I remained one car behind the almost one-hit wonder. As we approached the next lighted intersection, I needed to go left, and it appeared as though asswipe would go straight. I veered into the left hand turning lane and started to pass asswipe, when he started gazing off into the field on the side of the road and almost swerved into my car again, before stopping at the stoplight.
At this point I've had enough, so I backed up a few inches to even my car up with his, rolled down my window and asked if he was paying attention to what he was doing. When he turned down his music and asked me what I said, I calmly and rationally said (yelled) "Why don't you open you (expletive) eyes and pay attention to where your (expletive) going jackass." His reply to my verbal assault was brilliant. He thought for a second and said "(expletive) off". Ah yes I could tell I was bantering with a genius.
Now I admit, that the expletives were exiting my mouth way more expediantly than I normally care for, but at least I was sandwiching them in between rational thought. As the "conversation" went on, the only thing he kept saying is "where you at, where you at". What does that mean exactly? Was he trying to tell me that although he could not match my wit or knew he was wrong, that he would like to make himself feel more manly by challenging me to a fight? Pretty common for an asswipe.
Finally the light turned green and as we started heading our separate ways, I leaned into the passenger side window, and yelled "just open your eyes and pay attention". His final comeback was "you open your eyes".
Wow, Maybe I should.
On my way home from work one day last week, my usual route home was blocked by construction, leaving me with no other choice but to take back roads. I was traveling down one such road, a busy one, approaching a stop sign. The line to the stop sign was backed up to the point of blocking a development's entrance, if I were not to stop short of it and let a few cars turn in front of me. Some asswipe in a Corvette, however, decides that he's too good to wait and comes from somewhere behind me, trying to pass the line on the right hand shoulder, almost hitting the car turning into the development in front of me and almost hitting me while trying to avoid that accident. As soon as that car passed he gassed it again, putting himself in line a whole one car ahead of me, almost being hit by the other car that I was letting turn into the development.
After calmly rolling down the window and shouting a few chosen words, to which I got no reaction from the asswipe (pronounced a-swipay, he did look italian), we both ended up going straight through the next intersection. I remained one car behind the almost one-hit wonder. As we approached the next lighted intersection, I needed to go left, and it appeared as though asswipe would go straight. I veered into the left hand turning lane and started to pass asswipe, when he started gazing off into the field on the side of the road and almost swerved into my car again, before stopping at the stoplight.
At this point I've had enough, so I backed up a few inches to even my car up with his, rolled down my window and asked if he was paying attention to what he was doing. When he turned down his music and asked me what I said, I calmly and rationally said (yelled) "Why don't you open you (expletive) eyes and pay attention to where your (expletive) going jackass." His reply to my verbal assault was brilliant. He thought for a second and said "(expletive) off". Ah yes I could tell I was bantering with a genius.
Now I admit, that the expletives were exiting my mouth way more expediantly than I normally care for, but at least I was sandwiching them in between rational thought. As the "conversation" went on, the only thing he kept saying is "where you at, where you at". What does that mean exactly? Was he trying to tell me that although he could not match my wit or knew he was wrong, that he would like to make himself feel more manly by challenging me to a fight? Pretty common for an asswipe.
Finally the light turned green and as we started heading our separate ways, I leaned into the passenger side window, and yelled "just open your eyes and pay attention". His final comeback was "you open your eyes".
Wow, Maybe I should.
Tags: Road Rage, Asswipe, Fight, Argument, Comeback
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)